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+The Girl+
+I Am+ |
lonely well then. i suck at life big time. so i', *almost* excited, because i was supposed to have a date saturday night. i lied, i was way excited. i actually like this guy, damnit. so he asks me out and everything, and it's all random and such, and then - cancels. online, with a freakin message. i hate my messages!! I must regretfully tell you that I cannot make it for Saturday, so you are free to do what you please. My mother won't allow it. Instead, she insists I help her throughout the day. I apologise, but it was out of my hands, to be frank. - Skyler well aren't we just special. fucking a. he tells me he's desperate and lonely, and i STILL can't hold a freakin date with him. he doesn't talk to girls right, he's egotistical and macho, and all of that shit i hate. yet, there's some intruiging quality about him. just.. something. he likes good music and art and literature and poetry. he writes and reads and is a normal functioning human being. and as much as i would never tell him this, he his mature and intelligent. and i wanted someone like that. and of course my front-up - well he sucks big ones. of course, i like him. but.. he doesn't like me. at freaking all. i suppose it's because i never talk to him anymore. i'm gonna work on that one though. because i really do like him. and i think he's hysterical and *can* say good normal things. and i - eh i don't even know. i've been good. so damn good. but i don't want to be anymore. i want to be bad and bold and crazy. and i'm - none of the above - . damnit. i feel so useless. nothing i do is ever right or good enough. i'm sick of being unloved. and i don't get enough hugs. and i really really miss hugs. the most attention i get is in the morning in the hallway where i either lean on someone or they lean on me. and i suppose that's all i can ask for. just numb pillows. i know i sound all depressed and stuff, but i'm really not. i am happy - i just wish that i could find a guy to pretend to care about me. i'd even buy him food. don't any nice guys want free food? i miss having someone, and i miss loving someone and being loved. i miss having someone to spend time with and hold hands and do all the stupid goofy stuff dating people do. this is one of those times where i really wish i could go back in time. but i really think i would do something *completely* different. man. to go back in time and change that one little thing, damn. that would be the *best*. well, in theory at least. of course it probobly wouldn't work out because it's me, but i can totally pretend. but whatever, i'm peacin out like no other. gonna go and - right. +The Last Five+ |