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+The Girl+
+I Am+ |
ma;oivrjustal;mocaie i am totally and completely confused about life. i should just quit while i'm ahead (as in rocking my pink chuck taylors what what they are so so hot) and let it all be. everytime i think i'm taking one step ahead, i fall flat on my face and the world spins by in a fit of flying fury. everyone is at least 7 steps ahead of me, and they turn around every once in awhile to mock me. even the people who think they are pathetic and have no where to go in this world - they too mock me. at least they know where they stand. i on the other hand, am balancing not so delicatly on the edge of insanity. i like oh so many boys, but it all really means nothing. i did tho find a new boy to stalk. he works about a mile from my house in a small pizza shop. there's something very cute about that - and i shall have to pay him several visits. i got way too excited about jump little children being here today - they were playing at cat's cradle. but stupid me, thought they were playing a wendesday for some reason - and therefore, me and laura missed them. i cried. so so much. i want to go to a show and jump around in my new *pink chucks* and be loud and crazy. anything that isn't this computer, isn't my house, isn't my eyes hurting, isn't the same sick sad lonely sense of calm. i hate calm. it's the calm before the storm, the eye of the hurricane. but the anticipation is building - and i just can't wait for it to explode. i am missing a huge component of my life right now. the boy. and not just *the boy* but pretty much any boy will do. i'm not even joking either and that truly is the saddest part. skyler apologized to me the other day tho. that was almost amusing. he said he was sorry for leading me on and that there would never be anything between us. this from the guy who's so desperate he would kiss a cow off of the street. way to boost my self confidence! rightyo. i *did* get asked out on a date. but by dennis. the boy who kissed me, gave me a christmas present, called me - and then promptly ignored me for a couple months. apparently he thinks i'm worth the time of day again. i said it would be "cool", but i'm gonna veto that shizzle. not even worth my time.. there *is* someone worth my time. well quite a few people actually. one i was hoping to see at his work today - but no such luck. one who i will see on monday, and one who i might never see again. well 2 i might never see again. okay so there's just a whole damn lot. i'm just here. just breathing. standing sitting lying dancing eating talking floating. just.. +The Last Five+ |