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+The Girl+
+I Am+ |
just keep breathing it's so easy for joejoe to just be like fuck it. here's how it went down, and get over it. but somehow, it sucks for me. i'm starting to be sorry for things that i wasn't, and wishing that i could go back 3 years from tomorry and start all over again. tomorry would be 2 and a half years. because i'm the lil shit who still keeps count way back in her head. or my heart. either way. i'm just so terrified, not that people are mad at me. i can deal with that. people being mad at me is a part of life. but i'm terrified that the people i thought were my friends all this time really weren't. because even though i have hurt some people, i don't deserve all of this. i've been hurt in the past too, and everyone else has hurt people. the thought of the day today at work was "when looking for faults, use a mirror and not a telescope". for once i can take a step back and look at myself in the mirror. and right now i see a pretty messed up person. joe said that all he wanted was for me to be here when he got back. i will be, but in how many pieces? i know if anyone of the bench reads this, they will scoff at it and not give a flying fuck. i guess i should just get over it all and let things go as they will. i need to talk to emily. really bad. but how could i possibly find the words to say? it sucks so bad, because i have been in this almost exact situation. i dated a guy when i was a frosh and he was a jr, fell in love, went to prom, had a group with all of our friends, and cheated on him. he dumped me after about 1 year and a couple months, and then one of my friends dated/kissed/whatever them. and then i wanted to kill myself and started cutting and such n stuff. and i just helped the cycle perpetuate itself. because i just suck like that. as i told mike, i'm falling back into old habits. it's kinda sick that the only people who will talk to me are mike and joe. and i'm not even sure if mike will anymore. it's coming up to a week since i've talked to anyone that didn't have to do with the goings on at the party. well i think i'm gonna live and let live. things will turn out how they are meant to be, even if they are nothing near how i planned.. +The Last Five+ |