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+The Girl+
+I Am+ |
laksjfalkdsjf.damn so yes. ny has been, well pretty freakin good. i get here late thurs, spend all day on the beach on friday with danny (lifeguard boy from last summer). holler back. so then me and him go out and explore his "renovated" house - basically tearing down the whole house except for one wall. it was pretty cool going through a house with no ceiling and then we chilled in his basement. hot stuff. then the next day i was out riding my bike and i met some kids on the street. they are the "punk/rock/gangsta" kids of belle harbor, rockaway. there's really two groups of kids, them and the preppies. so i guess i found the "cool/super fly" kids. like whoa. so we chill for a bit and then i go to a block party and then back to the schoolyard (they live fairly boring lives) for a bit. these kids are cool tho, even though we don't really do much. just walk or bike around, get kicked out of every store on 129th street, and cause trouble. you know it. so i meet this one particularly cool kid from brooklyn, pat. and he gets my number and says we should hang out when he's back in rockaway. they next couple of days i hang out with the family a lot, catch up with the cute grandkids and chill with the rockaway crew. i fell off my bike a few times, got a nice huge nasty bruise, and all that grand ole shiznit. but this one time i fell was quite interesting. so i'm riding down on the sidewalk which i usually don't do, but my phone rings. so i get it outa the back pocket of my jeans, while still riding, and it's danny. he's sayin he wants to chill for awhile before he leaves for jersey (he has an apartment there for school) and then i hit this huge bump in the road. i go flying into a tree, my favorite jeans ever get all torn up on the concrete and i'm bleeding all over the place. it was quite a sight, and the little old man in the yard in front of me stands there and laughs. stupid bastard. so then i tell danny i just fell and he comes by in his car and picks me up, takes me back to his apartment (the one in rockaway) and whips out the first aid kid. it was the first time i had been taken care of since i was a kid.. it was actually really cute. so he cleans me up, slaps on some band-aids. and we have a fun little hour. but it felt like something straight out of a movie. crazy shit. then i went and chilled with my brooklyn boy after dinner. he is so sweet.. he walked me home and everything. aw. :o. but i realized how much i haven't experienced in life. i've been so sheltered, and i've always thought that i've gotten into my fair share of shit. but he's talking about jumpin guys and standing your ground and all this stuff.. and i realize that i am good down home country livin. no matter how much i don't think i am, i am the nice little girl from north cackalacky who only has a lil bit of a bitchy streak. i got nothin on these girls who have fought and been raped and get beat up daily. but i kinda like being this lil sheltered thing. i'm lucky that i haven't had to put up with all this crap.. who knows. whatever. andrew has been calling a lot and that is awesome. he is a crazy cool kid and i hope it only gets better from here. yay for chapel hill kids!! i talked to joejoe last night, but things are crazy different. and it pretty much blows. i miss my friends, i miss my bench, i miss the relationships we all had. and now i'm not sure if that will ever be back, and if it is.. i bet there will still be animosity. em hates me and she told the whole track team about it and all this shit. who knows. i know what happened wasn't the best choice i've ever made, but i'm gonna have to live with that. i can't say i regret it, but i really wish it was a lot a lot a lot different. i haven't hung out with any of the bench kids since then. they haven't called me, but i haven't called them either. so i guess it swings both ways. but i don't want to be one of those people who force themselves into places they aren't wanted. that is not how i want to be remembered. if they want to think of me as the bitch who stole christmas, then so be it. but i refuse to be the little girl who follows people who hate me around. family stuff is pretty shitty lately. we got a call today from the place where my brother is that he might be getting kicked out. and it sucks hard. this was the first place where there was positive reactions to him, and he was fitting in and working hard and everything. and now he made some offhand "sexual" comment about some guys tattoo being sexy. it's fucking stupid. because i know he's not gay, and it wasn't a come on, it was just him messing around saying "oh that's sexy, i'm sure all the girls love it". and this guy was probobly some homeophobe because he filed sexual harrasment charges against my brother. so my parents are nervous wrecks and it's really hard. we almost came home from ny a day early because we thought we would hafta go pick him up today. i dunno, it's all real confusing. live and learn and learn and live. im not gonna let sr year suck. it's just not an option. so here's to living it up, staying cool, and not sweating the small stuff. +The Last Five+ |